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05 Nov

5 Reasons Why You’re not Getting Past The first Date

I got a great email the other day from a woman, who was writing just to brag about how amazing she is. Actually, she said she was writing to ask me why can’t ever get past the first date with a man. Her email, however, was entirely about how great she is.

In the email, she told me that she’s successful. She’s sexy. She can run her own business. She’s can run her own department.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled that this woman feels so confident about herself.

The problem with a lot of women who are like this, is that they take their business side with them on a date. They are interrogators on a date.

They don’t flirt. They sit there, and basically conduct a date like a business interview. They ask the guy questions and put him on the spot.

Here are five reason why you’re not getting past the first date:

  • You’re Conducting Your Date Like a Business Interview: When a woman is not very flirtatious, the guy will leave that dating feeling like he’s just been on a job interview. He will be wondering why this woman interrogated him for two hours. He will be wondering why on the first date she asked him whether he wants to have kids and how many kids he wants to have.

I have seen women do this over and over again. They think that they are weeding out the wrong guys by asking all these questions on a first date. In reality, though, they are conducting a business interview. A date is not a business interview. A date is a way for you to get flirtatious, have fun, and be sexy and playful.

All these questions you’re firing at the guy, you will find out anyway. Within the first month, you are going to find out about all this stuff you seem too anxious to know on date number one. You don’t need to drill someone about them on the first date.

  • You Compete With the Guy: So many women who compete with men in the business world take that same personality and compete with men on dates. I know that when i was single, I never cared if a woman made more money than I did as long as she didn’t act like an interrogator on our date.

As a man I don’t need to be the bread winner. I just want to feel wanted and desired sexually and emotionally. The problem is that a lot of these women don’t allow a man to feel that on a date. They are ball busters.

  • You Don’t Flirt: You need to flirt on a date. Period. What do I mean by flirting? You need to look into a guy’s eyes, smile, compliment him and laugh at what he says. When you don’t do these things, you’re just in business mode. This is what so many do. They stay in business mode instead of being in flirtatious, fun mode.
  • No Touching: Another thing that a lot of women fail to do on a first date is touch. No, I don’t mean grope a guy or touch him in any kind of overtly sexual way. Not touching a guy at all, though, is a mistake. Touch his hands or his shoulder as you walk. If you don’t touch a guy at all, then you’re not showing any form of sexual communication. Touching a guy in this way is just a nice, subtle way to show the guy that you’re interested.
  • You’re Not Dropping Any Hints: You’d like to get together again? You need to drop some hints. Men love little hints. Say you’re talking over dinner and he mentions his favorite band (which happens to be a favorite band of yours as well). Instead of just saying that you love that band’s music, say something like ‘I think they’re coming here in concert soon.’ By saying that, the guy will be likely to say something like, ‘If they’re playing here soon, then you and i are going.’ It’s a little bit like fishing. If you drop the bait, the man will take it. You have to drop the hint so the man asks you out again.

If this sounds like you if you’re a successful woman who goes out on a lot of first dates and almost no second dates then you need to really rethink the way you are conducting yourself. You’re getting dates. That’s half the battle. The other half is how you conduct yourself on those dates. That might be the real battle for you.

In order to grab a woman’s attention via a text message, you need to be quick. Texting is a very quick way to jump into someone’s life.

What you need to realize, though, is that there’s a mindset behind good texting. You don’t know what they’re doing, whom they are with and if they even have their phone with them at that moment. Presuming all of those things will make your job much easier.

If you want to get a woman’s attention, your texts need to always be intriguing. Here are nine of my favorites:

  1. ‘What Are you Doing right now?’: I love that. What are you doing right now? What’s great about that is that it enables you to intrigue her with curiosity. She will be curious why you are asking. She will answer by telling you what she is doing and then asking you ‘Why?’ When she does, you respond with, ‘Just curious. I was thinking of something . . .’ Always keep them very curious.
  2. ‘Got a minute?’: This is another of my favorites. I love this one because what you’re doing is
    showing her that you respect her time. If she says yes, then you can ask her whatever question you want to ask her after that. If she says no, you can write back and say, ‘Cool. No problem. I’ll text you later. I have something I need to ask you.’ By doing that, you will intrigue her. Remember that it’s all about intrigue.
  3. ‘I Was Thinking’: This text is the very definition of how to create intrigue. She will not only wonder what you were thinking about, but really want to know. Be sure to share what you’re thinking at that moment after she asks you what you were thinking (and she will ask).
  4. ‘Have An Idea’: If someone texts you this, aren’t you going to wonder what their idea is? Aren’t you going to be curious? The key to being a good texter is write things that get people to text you back. You don’t want to write a book, but just intrigue them enough to text you back or pick up the telephone to call you and take the conversation further. That is why all of these texts are very simple.
  5. ‘You Wouldn’t Believe What Just Happened (Or What I Just Saw)’: People are very curious, and will always want to know what happened or what you saw. If you texted, ‘You really wouldn’t believe it ‘ then the reaction would be, ‘Really I wouldn’t believe it? What is it? What happened?’ Do you understand that when you’re newly dating someone and newly texting with someone, that what you’re trying to do is create flirtatious banter that goes back and forth. So texting is about being playful. Texting is about having fun, and texting is all about keeping it simple.
  6. ‘I Have Great News To Share With You’: Who doesn’t want to hear great news? Who doesn’t want to talk to someone who has great news to share? Who doesn’t want to hear something positive? So this, along with all of the other suggestions in this article, are all positive, intriguing things.
  7. Bring Her Back To the First Meeting: Try writing a text that brings her back to the moment you first met her. You could, for example, write something like this if you met her at a farmer’s market and she had recommended blueberries to you. Start out with a simple text like, ‘You were so right’ She is going to want to know about what she was right. When she texts you back and asks you, you can say ‘Those blueberries were amazing!’ The whole idea is to intrigue her and to grab her attention.
  8. ‘I Have a Question’: This is another great text to use, especially right in the beginning when you’ve just met her. She will wonder what your question is, and she will be too curious not to ask you what it is.
  9. Bring Her Back To Her Childhood: Another type of question that will intrigue her is one that seems kind of random. Text her something like, ‘Random question What was your favorite toy as a kid? (or favorite game)’ This is the ‘getting to know you’ phase, so these curiosities about her will not only be intriguing but show real interest.